I want to know if I was wrong. I want to know if I made a mistake when I was trying to help. I had the best intentions, but it’s all gone horribly wrong and I can’t help but feel that I’ve caused it all. Am I a bad person?
His name was Brand, and he was always the quiet type. He kept to himself, and all of my friends didn’t have much to say about him. Cassie didn’t even know who he was, but she didn’t seem to know who the rest of us were certain nights. When he was picked to answer in class, he kept his answers brief and focused, and usually correct as well. He was clearly intelligent, just not a great socialite. Me and my friends, on the other hand, all we could do right was talk. Lira was the most intelligent of our little group, and even she failed tests sometimes. Cassie hardly even turned up to tests, and even fewer times totally sober. We could help him, and I could initiate it.
So I did start it; I found him one lunch and introduced myself. Our first ‘conversation’ was mostly me talking about me, and I felt bad after half an hour. I did ask about him, but much like the teachers I was met with single-word answers. Nevertheless, I felt like we were making progress, and I decided that the next time I’d bring Lira along to try to stir some real conversation. She was the smartest, making her the best match with him, and I thought they’d have something in common.
The next day, Lira found him before I did and greeted him with her usual cute smile. She was the prettiest of us, at least to me; she had long raven-black hair and bright brown eyes. She was slender too, and her skin was pretty much flawless. I know I was always jealous of her, but I could get over it. Not like Cassie, she regularly complained to me and Rosa about not being ‘hot enough’ for whatever boy bought her alcohol that week. Regardless, Lira found him and actually managed to get more than a single word out of him. She got three, in fact. ‘Leave me alone’. She came to me and had clearly taken it more personally than most would. Her eyes weren’t bright and happy, and she was quiet. I held her and we left him that day.
After a night of thinking, I decided I needed to tell Brand what I was trying to do. He hurt Lira, and he seemed to do it pretty quickly. I found him in his corner and apologised for bothering him. I said I thought he seemed nice and that I wanted to be his friend. He apologised for snapping at Lira and I told him to tell her himself. I called it a good first step, at least for him. I took him to Lira and sure enough he apologised to her. She accepted it and we all actually started talking. He was surprisingly nice, I’d even forgotten how quiet he was normally. Clearly I’d forgotten a lot, because the next day I brought Cassie.
She was awful. Lira and Brand were talking relatively smoothly about school, and Cassie shattered the calm atmosphere with her loud greeting to Lira. Brand immediately looked nervous, and Lira sighed in irritation. She replied quietly and turned back to Brand, and I sat next to him and apologised for Cassie’s volume. She didn’t, however, and she continued to loudly discuss how she ‘hooked up’ with Jacob, the typical sporty jock type. He was as bland as they come, and couldn’t be more of a polar opposite to timid Brand.
In the background to Cassie’s ravings about how great her latest guy was, Lira turned to me and asked to ditch Cassie. I quickly agreed and told Cassie to introduce me to Jacob, and before we got to him I pretended Lira had asked me to give her something back. Luckily, she wasn’t too suspicious and let me go. Lira, Brand and I spent the remainder of the break together. I thought I’d fixed it all. So where did he go?
I came into school today and Brand wasn’t here. Lira was in his spot with streaks of makeup down her cheeks, but she wouldn’t tell me why. She told me it was Cassie’s fault and then stayed sobbing. I stayed with her until Cassie passed through the hall, though with no elegance. She stumbled over and fell near Lira’s feet. She was clearly drunk, and Lira tensed near her. She started crying again and buried her face into me.
I still don’t know what happened. Lira’s still crying, and Cassie hasn’t even moved. Jacob texted Cassie with some angry words, so I assume they’re not a thing anymore. Lira has muttered that she should have been with him last night, but I can’t think. It’s happening too fast.
I just wanted to help.
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